Diary Entry #8: Actually... There isn't More Fish In the Sea

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about dating. Not even in a deep, romantic way. Just observing it, experiencing it, and honestly… being a little confused by it.

Because what is actually going on?

Why is it so hard for people to just say what they want? Not hint at it, not play it cool, not “go with the flow” like we’re floating down a lazy river. I mean actually say it. With intention. With clarity. Out loud. Because the way people move now, you would think communication is a premium feature we all have to unlock.

And what really gets me is how everyone claims they want a relationship. They want love, they want something real, they’re tired of the games. But the second it requires consistency, communication, or accountability, suddenly it’s “I’m not ready for anything serious right now.”

And I’m sorry, but at a certain age… what do you mean you’re not ready?

Because how are you 33, 35, pushing 40, still saying you just want to have fun. Fun doing what exactly? Like be so for real right now. You’ve had time. And I’m not saying you need to be married with three kids and a house in the suburbs, but at least know yourself a little bit. Like have a direction. A clue. Something, Jesus.

Because what’s confusing to me is how people will pursue you, take you out, text you every day, be all up in your space, just to randomly switch up and act like they don’t know what they want. That’s not confusion. That’s avoidance dressed up as confusion.

And don’t even get me started on the whole “men mature later” thing we were told growing up.

Yeah… no.

Because how is it mature to take someone on a date, sleep with them, and then disappear like nothing ever happened? That’s not maturity. That’s the same behavior, just older. You aged, but mentally we’re still stuck.

Oh, and now people are lying about their age?

No, because this one really gets me. Grown men saying they’re in their late twenties, just for it to come out they’re 21 or worse 19. Be serious. That’s not even a small lie, that’s a whole different life stage.

At this point, I’m starting to think… actually, there isn’t more fish in the sea.

Because if so, where the hell are they? And why do so many of them not know how to communicate?

But if I’m being honest, it’s not just them. It’s us too.

Our generation is very much “I want everything that comes with a relationship, but I don’t want to fully commit yet.” We want consistency, attention, emotional support, someone to talk to every day. But we also want to keep our options open, avoid hard conversations, and leave just enough space to disappear if something better comes along.

So yeah, the dating pool feels a little off on all sides.

But here’s what I’ve been realizing, especially lately.

You can communicate perfectly. You can be clear, honest, direct, and it still won’t matter if the other person doesn’t know who they are or what they want.

And once I really sat with that, I had to accept something. I can’t keep trying to understand people who aren’t even being real with themselves.

That’s where protecting my peace actually comes in. Not in a cute quote way, but in a real way. Like I’m not about to stress myself out trying to decode someone’s mixed signals.

Because that will drain you every. single. time.

And another thing that’s been on my mind is closure.

Why do we act like closure is something someone else has to give us?

I’ve seen people hold onto situations for years, waiting for that one conversation. That one explanation. That one moment where everything finally makes sense.

And I get it. I really do.

But the truth is, you can’t force someone to give you closure. And even if they did, you’re probably not going to hear what you want to hear anyway.

That’s the real reason we want closure. Not just for understanding, but for validation. We want them to say something that softens it, that makes it make sense, that makes us feel chosen in some way.

And when they don’t, we stay stuck.

But some people are not emotionally mature enough to give you that. And they never will be. So at some point, you have to decide you’re done waiting for someone else to give you peace, and give it to yourself. Because dragging it out won’t change the outcome. It just keeps you attached to something that already showed you what it was.

Dating right now feels like a mix of confusion, avoidance, and people wanting relationship benefits without relationship responsibility.

And I’m just not interested in participating in that. Like at all.

At this point, I would rather be alone and at peace than entertained and confused.

Because the right person will not make you feel like you are solving a puzzle.

And communication is not supposed to feel like a guessing game... right?

xoxo,

dest